I'll keep this relatively brief. There's a book by E L James called 50 Shades of Grey about a virgin who becomes sexually involved with an older billionaire with a bdsm fetish. If you're interested in the book and haven't read it, stop now. If you don't care or need to satisfy your curiosity, read on.
I have to gripe about a few things in this book that trouble me about the main character:
1) She enters a friends-with-benefits situation with the intention to change the male character's 'commitment issues' and physical boundaries.
2) They engage in bdsm without her being properly prepped on safety procedures or being fully aware of what she will experience. Believe it or not, the bdsm community DOES have standards and safety procedures...
3) She accepts that her 'white knight's' controlling/demanding/stalker ways as part of bdsm, as well as their relationship. Its so pervasive, and she never questions the abnormality or frightening behavior on his part.
To drive my point home, there was a recent case (coincidence?) non-affectionately dubbed the “Philadelphia Incident”, where a young inexperienced woman got involved with an older man into bdsm who, without prepping her bound/restrained her then orally raped her. For more on this, please check out this link: http://hidingfromsomeone.tumblr.com/post/22270527450/fifty-shades-the-philadelphia-incident-im-not
I feel concerned for her target audience TWILIHT FANS (this book was originally a twilight fanfiction) which are mostly young virginal impressionable women smitten with the idea of being shown what love is like, except this book is more like a MISguide to getting into an abusive controlling relationship. The likelyhood that a girl will apply this book's assumed rules to real life and end up in a kinky/happy relationship is slim/unlikely ..
With that said, here's Tip #8: Do your research on what you read before experimenting.
'Try it before you buy it' comes to mind.
With the exception of a massive amount of grammatical errors, superfluous details, and British lingo (there should be none; the story takes place in Seattle), this book is a nice easy read, for those who love smutty romantic novels. As a not-so-young-and-impressionable-woman, I rather enjoyed it. Id suggest borrowing it if you can, since an advanced reader or someone with more experience in relationships is likely to experience buyer's remorse.
Until next time..
Peace, blessedness, and light.
Friday, May 18, 2012
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Tip #7: Insecurity, A Man's (Silent) Burden - Women Can't Hear What Men Don't Say
Before I begin my mini-rant, I'd like for you to read this article and try and see how feminism has ruined man's opportunity to express real insecutrities:
http://shine.yahoo.com/love-sex/15-things-men-really-wish-knew-212600930.html
I have a problem with this article..
I'm reading 'Women Can't Hear What Men Don't Say' by Warren Farrell. It's about how men have it as bad as women do, and men have the same problems women do (except for obvious physiological responsibilities).
In fact, men have "second shift" lives too by majority being required do house rapairs,remodeling, lawn work (etc, and without credit !), recieve criticism from their supervisors (and never complain about it), and then come home to a woman who expects him to keep his job at all costs (or she will divorce him, take the kids, and compalain about not enough child support) as she yells at him for not doing any chores.
He feels all the pressures of the world burdened by the silence enforced by "real men don't cry" and "real men look weak if they complain". There's a reason men turn to their tvs, beer, sports, and other men who turn to the same things: because accessing feelings is forbidden by society (women love strong silent men with jobs...not crybabies).
No actual insecurity or tip for open communication was mentioned in this cosmo joke.
Half of the quotes are women confidence boosters, not actual insight into the man's mind.
We women are outspoken about everything, even about how "men can't communicate", but men bear the burder of silence.
Yahoo would do a great service to women by writing a story about the man struggle in life, and not just dating tips for women using men for quotes.
Just a light disclaimer: I am not putting women's accomplishments, "second shifts", or struggles down. What I'm saing is everyone knows about women's struggles, but very few could even begin to explain Man's, because men's coping mechanism are so well disguised, they are labled "lazy" "insensitive" "addiction", or just plain "clueless".
If you are a woman, and find yourself itching to "defend", perhaps explore those feelings. What is so threatening about men being able to express themselves as openly as women do? What is wrong with acknowledging how much men work and suffer for it?
Tip #7: Take a moment and imagine how men feel next time you jump to criticize something about them. The level of empathy women have for eachother should be both an example and opportunity to have empathy for the male-struggle.
Until next time,
Peace, blessedness, and light.
http://shine.yahoo.com/love-sex/15-things-men-really-wish-knew-212600930.html
I have a problem with this article..
I'm reading 'Women Can't Hear What Men Don't Say' by Warren Farrell. It's about how men have it as bad as women do, and men have the same problems women do (except for obvious physiological responsibilities).
In fact, men have "second shift" lives too by majority being required do house rapairs,remodeling, lawn work (etc, and without credit !), recieve criticism from their supervisors (and never complain about it), and then come home to a woman who expects him to keep his job at all costs (or she will divorce him, take the kids, and compalain about not enough child support) as she yells at him for not doing any chores.
He feels all the pressures of the world burdened by the silence enforced by "real men don't cry" and "real men look weak if they complain". There's a reason men turn to their tvs, beer, sports, and other men who turn to the same things: because accessing feelings is forbidden by society (women love strong silent men with jobs...not crybabies).
No actual insecurity or tip for open communication was mentioned in this cosmo joke.
Half of the quotes are women confidence boosters, not actual insight into the man's mind.
We women are outspoken about everything, even about how "men can't communicate", but men bear the burder of silence.
Yahoo would do a great service to women by writing a story about the man struggle in life, and not just dating tips for women using men for quotes.
Just a light disclaimer: I am not putting women's accomplishments, "second shifts", or struggles down. What I'm saing is everyone knows about women's struggles, but very few could even begin to explain Man's, because men's coping mechanism are so well disguised, they are labled "lazy" "insensitive" "addiction", or just plain "clueless".
If you are a woman, and find yourself itching to "defend", perhaps explore those feelings. What is so threatening about men being able to express themselves as openly as women do? What is wrong with acknowledging how much men work and suffer for it?
Tip #7: Take a moment and imagine how men feel next time you jump to criticize something about them. The level of empathy women have for eachother should be both an example and opportunity to have empathy for the male-struggle.
Until next time,
Peace, blessedness, and light.
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